One year ago..

This night one year ago my life changed forever…

On 15 september 2018, I got admitted into a Mental Hospital for my trauma and depression.

I was hurting myself and blaming myself for things I couldn’t change or couldn’t prevent. One night my body couldn’t fight it anymore. I couldn’t fight it anymore. My godmother ran me to the ER and I stayed in the Mental institution for 10 days.

Honestly, It was the most scariest time of my life. I was all alone in a scary jail cell like room, drugged up, no emotional connection to anyone, screaming noises outside my room, sleep paralysis, insomnia and the horrifying moments that had haunted me since I was a very little girl. Change of medication. I was so frightened. I cried myself to sleep every single night.

Honestly, it’s so crazy how something so daunting can change you and make you a whole different person. Usually I am a girl to light the room up and laugh till I cry, but these 10 days I never stopped crying. My PTSD took over. The nightmares became reality.

But I got help. Something everybody desperately needs. I got medicated and I got better. After the ward, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing but I have been so much better. It’s hard to explain how the ward changed me. But boy it did, once i came out of there I changed. I finally had a purpose. What had happened to me did not define me. My life was mine and I got to choose what happened with it.

I now am back to being a happy Chloe, although I haven’t been me lately. Overall, I am a fun out there girl. And you. That person who feels like shit. Hides themselves behind the class clown. Feels like they have no friends. Or even the one who has the perfect life but is feeling an emense feeling of sadness. You deserve to get the help you need. If it means a pschyciatrist. Hospital. Medication. Anything. Whatever help you need. Go get it. You deserve to show your soul. The parts of you that make you giggle. Your massive heart that deserves to be given not only to the people around you, but share some of that love for yourself. You deserve it.

I am proud of you all out there and thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. Although I have been through some horrible times, I am so grateful I’ve been through it because it makes me, me. I have so many stories to share. So if you want to hear anything particular. Let me know.

Lots of love always, Chlo x

5 thoughts on “One year ago..”

  1. Well said baby girl. It is good that you can look back on that event and no doubt horrible experience and see the good it did for you and see how it put you on a better path for a more positive experience in life. Everyone needs that sort of correction from time to time and it is good you can see the positives that came from it. Don’t be sad baby girl. You have lots of people that really love you and always share your feelings especially when you are down and that way you can talk out what you are feeling with those you trust and you will feel better about yourself and what you need to do and put yourself on a better more positive future path. Lots of love. Dadxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Thank you for sharing this with us Chloe. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable and share what you’ve been through. It is admirable and inspiring to see.
    I have PTSD also, as well as being on the autistic spectrum, so I can empathise with you in some ways.

    I’m glad you are on the road to recovery.

    If you ever need to talk to somebody, you can add me on Facebook. My name’s Jenny M. Lee-Kearns, no pressure of course!

    Xx

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to Jen Cancel reply