Today I have come to terms with the fact that my mum will never love me. She will never respect the boundaries I need. She will never be able to give me the love I truly deserve. This weekend I went to Queensland to spend 3 days with her and it has actually broke my heart. I didn’t want to talk about the past. I didn’t want to ‘repair’ anything, I just wanted to spend time with my mum. Although it didn’t work out like that.
It’s hard to process as my whole life I have simply adored my mum. But I am nothing to her anymore. Her life exists with me and as much as this feeling kills me, it is something I finally need to accept.
I live in Melbourne and she lives in Queensland. When we are so far away from each other she messages me so many toxic things about how much I’ve hurt her and how much she loves me, but after all this time I have finally learnt that words mean nothing. It’s actions that counts.
If you whos reading this have been or are going through something like I am, please remember this isn’t your fault and you deserve to be loved. I am sorry you’re going through this, but please know even though this person may not love you. You are loved. If someone toxic in your life is treating you with no respect and not respecting your boundaries. It is your call to leave. You control your life. You cannot control anyone else’s, as much as you may want someone to change. You cannot change them or control them, just control what you are, who you are and the people you let around you. You’re special don’t let just anyone in your life.
Love always,
Chloe x
Chloe's Blog 
Well said baby girl. At least the last part or last paragraph. You have to value yourself before anyone else can and you are starting to value yourself. I hope you believe what you wrote because its very true. I say it is about time you value yourself as you are such a beautiful person and you are growing up in the most beautiful way and the way I had always hoped. You have become such a beautiful person and you have the right kind of values. I hope I played some part in giving you those values. Remember Whitney Houston’s song ‘the greatest love of all.’ You have to love and respect yourself before anyone else can and it sounds like you are starting to. When you have that love and respect of yourself no one will be able to bring you down. In relation to your mum she does love you but not in the way you want. Narelle can never put anyone else before her own needs and that is why she has no one and why she will never have anyone. She is too self-centred but in her way she does love you but not in the way you want or in the way your dad loves you, unconditionally. You should try and accept that and take out of it whatever good you can find in it. Always remember that she is the loser in this because she has never got to know her own daughter and how special you are. So don’t be depressed by it. Also learn from her mistakes and don’t make the same ones she has made. For a relationship, any relationship to work, each party needs to win, if one party wins and the other loses, the relationship is dead. One can win more than the other but both party’s need to win otherwise the relationship is dead. In Narelle’s case she has to win on each and every occasion and that is why she is alone because that isn’t possible in a relationship if the relationship is going to work. Its her way or the highway and that’s why you are feeling short changed right now but that feeling will pass if you can accept whatever good you can find in your relationship with her and you know no matter what your Dad loves you 10 times more than any other parent could love a child so your miles in front when it comes to comparing what you have with whatever situation your friends may have. Never forget that. Lots of love. Dadxxxx
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