A letter to my distant Mum.

I need you so much right now. I want you in these dark nights. All I want is that biological love, to wrap their arms around me. I want to be held and loved. Why did life work against us? Take me back to the moments when I was oh so little and I felt your arms beneath my head. Life was so simple. My heart aches for you. I really miss you. You will always be in my heart, I love you so much. Although there are so many tormenting memories, for some weird reason the good constantly outweigh the bad. The laughs, the beach, the labradors. I am suffocated by these memories. I just want that you back. As tears slowly roll down my cheek, I wish you were here to cuddle me and cook me some warm food. I constantly have moments where I revisit the bad times, but in some weird way i felt comforted by you even when I was so close to death. I wish this nightmare without you would stop. I cannot breathe. I wish you could love me the way I need to be loved. But, I cannot change you and I have stopped trying. I now deal with the guilt and blame of losing you. I am finally letting go. Chloe x