Trauma

In todays post, I am covering the topic of trauma. I am no doctor or specialist, I am just going off my own experiences. Trauma is dfferent for each person in many dfferent forms and ways of dealing with. But this is my opinion on the topic. Traumatic events can include near death or death experiences to one or someone close to that person. In my experience, my traumatic events hit very close to home and is a very hard topic to speak about. In saying that, I do want to help others with my story so here we go..

To start off… my traumatic events started off at a very young age. Ive only recently come to terms with the fact of what I’ve been through. Since I was very young my mum physically abused me to great lengths, it was quite scary because you never knew when she would blow up and she would always make sure she had a picture perfect reputation to show the public. It breaks my heart as she is my mum and will never apologise or acknowledge what she has done but i still continue to love her unconditionally. Whether it was from throwing me down staircases, locking me outside, sitting on me and using weapons on me i was scared out of my mind and the memories still haunt me to this day. These events have caused numerous suicide attempts and hating on myself. But now im in a better place and so much stronger to acknowledge that it wasnt my fault. And to all the trauma survivors out there you got this!

To all the trauma survivors YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO STRUGGLE! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TALK! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! THIS WILL PASS! YOU DESERVE TO TAKE UP THIS SPACE. IT IS OKAY IF ALL YOU DID TODAY WAS BREATHE. You deserve to be loved and treated well. You are not a mistake or fundamentally flawed. You dont need permission to exist. All your feelings are valid. Its okay to have a bad day, week or year. Healing is not linear. Its okay to not know what you need. The last one I’m going to share may not affect all but I believe you. When I was 10 years old, I confided in someone about the abuse and I got told I was lying and they ran straight back to my mother and I got twice as much. The point in this is, I believe you no matter how false and untruthful it sounds. I believe you.

For me I haven’t gotten to the stage of getting therapy for my trauma, but we are all on our own journey and I will support any one of you that needs me. Go do something for you. Complete a task you have wanted to do for a while. Light a candle. Have a sleepover. Do some writing. Think about how worthy and fucking amazing you are. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.

Your future is worth healing through the trauma from your past. You may have been born into darkness, but you are made of light.

Love always, Chloe.